Co-Sleeping: Why I Chose to Co-Sleep – And Why It Works for Us

For as long as humanity has existed, mothers have slept next to their babies. Babies didn’t “self-soothe” in ancient times, and they don’t today. If you look at the animal kingdom, nearly every species sleeps close to its young for warmth, protection, and comfort. Yet, in places like the UK and the US, society pushes the idea that co-sleeping is risky and should be avoided altogether.

The truth? Risks can be modified, and co-sleeping can be done safely. To me, it’s one of the most natural and beautiful aspects of motherhood. Not to mention—while I’m still tired, I’m no longer completely sleep-deprived.

How it Started

As a new, young mama, I was bombarded with advice on what was “expected” when it came to my baby’s sleep:

❌ He should sleep in his own cot or a bedside crib.
❌ He should learn to sleep “independently” as soon as possible.
❌ He should “sleep through the night” because not every waking is for feeding.
❌ I shouldn’t feed him to sleep.
❌ I should “sleep train” him.
❌ I should give him formula to make him sleep longer.
❌ He should be able to fall asleep alone.

The list of shoulds and shouldn’ts went on and on. It felt like I was expected to “fix” my baby’s sleep patterns rather than honor them. But deep down, every piece of advice I heard went against my gut instinct—against what felt natural as a mother.

At first, I had a plan. We had the perfect nursery—adorable animal prints on the walls, a changing table, a cot, a cozy rocking chair. The idea was simple: my son would sleep in his bedside crib until six months old, and then we’d transition him to his own room.

You can probably guess what happened next.

My son refused to sleep in his bedside crib for more than 10 minutes without contact. What started as a cozy sleep space quickly became an extra storage unit (which, let’s be honest, it still is! 😆). The moment his little bum touched the mattress, his eyes would snap wide open.

Since I exclusively breastfeed—no bottles, no pumping—our nights became a blur of:

• Picking him up from the cot.
• Soothing him.
• Breastfeeding.
• Burping.
• Waiting for him to fall back asleep.
• Carefully transferring him back to the cot without waking him up.
• Finally crawling back into bed… only to repeat the process two hours later.

I was beyond exhausted—a complete zombie running on empty.

The Turning Point

At some point, I started unintentionally dozing off with my son in bed. I’d wake up in a panic, checking if he was okay. (He was!)

Still, every time I mentioned co-sleeping to a midwife or health visitor, I’d get that judgmental, concerned look. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong—like I had no choice but to keep suffering through sleepless nights.

But I couldn’t function like this anymore. Something had to change.

So, I did my research. I learned how to co-sleep safely, following evidence-based guidelines. And the night I placed my son beside me in a cuddle curl, everything changed.

For the first time in months, we both had a restful, peaceful night’s sleep. And I never looked back.

Mother & Baby Biological Synchronisation

When a mother and baby sleep together safely, their sleep patterns naturally align. Research shows that their breathing, heart rates, and sleep stages synchronize, creating a protective and supportive sleep environment. This biological connection is a key reason many parents find that cosleeping helps the whole family rest better.

• McKenna & Mosko (1994, 1997, 2007) – Studies from the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame found that bedsharing dyads experience synchronized sleep cycles. Babies sleeping near their mothers wake more often but more gently, reducing distressing full awakenings compared to solitary sleepers.
• Ball et al. (2006, 2020) – Research from the Durham Infancy & Sleep Centre shows that co-sleeping promotes responsive nighttime parenting, with babies experiencing shorter, less intense wake-ups and smoother transitions back to sleep.
• Gettler & McKenna (2011) – Findings suggest that cosleeping enhances autonomic stability, helping babies regulate their heart rates and breathing patterns when near a responsive caregiver.

Contrary to the myth that cosleeping disrupts sleep, studies reveal that synchronized sleep patterns can lead to more restful nights for both mother and baby. While sleep may still be fragmented, these micro-arousals are natural and expected. Co-sleeping also makes nursing, soothing, and transitioning between sleep stages easier.

Sleeping close to your baby isn’t just a parenting trend—it’s a biologically ingrained behavior that supports safety, regulation, and better sleep. When practiced safely, co-sleeping benefits both infant development and maternal well-being.

What about “Independence”?

Co-sleeping nurtures a deep sense of safety and security in babies, laying the foundation for greater independence as they grow. When little ones sleep close to a loving caregiver, their nervous systems develop in a calm, regulated state, reinforcing trust and emotional stability. This security gives them the confidence to explore the world at their own pace, knowing they have a safe place to return to.

Research shows that babies who experience responsive nighttime parenting often develop stronger self-regulation skills and a greater sense of independence later in life. By meeting their need for closeness early on, co-sleeping fosters a secure attachment that empowers them to take on new challenges, build healthy relationships, and embrace life with confidence.

• Some studies suggest that children who co-sleep as infants may be more self-reliant and socially independent by preschool age. 
• A 2004 study found that preschoolers who co-slept were more likely to dress themselves, entertain themselves, and work out problems with peers on their own, compared to those who slept alone from an early age. 
• A 2002 study showed that by age 18, children who bedshared did not differ from solitary sleepers in their sleep problems or mental health. 
• While children who co-sleep may transition to independent sleep later than those who don’t, they may still be more independent in other areas of their lives. 

How to Safely Co-Sleep

Co-sleeping can be a beautiful, natural way to bond with your baby and make nighttime parenting easier—but safety always comes first. When done right, co-sleeping provides comfort, security, and better sleep for both you and your little one. Here’s how to create a safe and cozy co-sleeping setup that works for your family:

• Non-Smoking Parents – Smoking increases the risk of SIDS, so both parents should be smoke-free.
• Sober & Alert – Avoid alcohol, drugs, or medications that make you extra drowsy.
• Breastfeeding – Breastfeeding moms naturally adopt a protective sleep position that helps keep babies safe.
• Healthy, Full-Term Baby – Co-sleeping is safest for babies born full-term without medical conditions.
• Baby Sleeps on Their Back – This reduces the risk of suffocation.
• No Loose Bedding – Use a firm mattress and skip pillows, heavy blankets, and stuffed toys near the baby.
• Safe Sleep Positioning – Baby should be next to mom, away from the edge of the bed and other sleepers.

• A firm mattress is essential—no couches, armchairs, or super-soft beds.
• Make sure there are no gaps where your baby could slip between the bed and wall or frame.
• Overheating increases the risk of SIDS, so keep the room at a comfy temperature (20°C / 68°F).
• Baby should always sleep on their back on a flat surface.
• The safest spot is next to mom, as breastfeeding mothers naturally sleep in a protective, cuddle curled position.
• No pets or older siblings should sleep next to the baby.

How it is Going

Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, but for us, it has been life-changing. It’s natural, it’s comforting, and when done safely, it can be the best thing for both baby and mama. If you’re struggling with sleep and wondering if co-sleeping could work for your family, I want you to know—you’re not alone. Trust your instincts, do your research, and most importantly, do what feels right for you and your baby.

Would love to hear from other mamas—have you tried co-sleeping? What was your experience like?